He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
