I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
