The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
