I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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