My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
