there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
