Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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