he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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