I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
