So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
