Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
