so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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