so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
