the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
