I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
