It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
