We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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