maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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