you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
