I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
