My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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