I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
