It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
