Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
