bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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