so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
