I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
