I want to make a zoo with you.
I bet he comes in French.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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