is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
