I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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