i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
