he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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