weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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