i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
