i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
