theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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