So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
