I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
