Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So gin and wine won't be happening again
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
