Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
