You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
