IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
