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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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