You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
