I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
