she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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