Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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