im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
