When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
