i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
