that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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