I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
