There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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