Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
