Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
