I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have demons in me.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
