i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
