margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
