I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
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couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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