Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This beer is not sobering me up at all
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
