goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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