yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
