I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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