I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
