No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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