Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
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Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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