He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
